woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we made out on top of his cat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
