ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
