Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
