non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
