i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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