We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
