you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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