just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i think i just lost a toe
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
