absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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