From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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