and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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