I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
