Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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