Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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