dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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