I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
