Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
