don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i drank out of a bidet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
