he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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