I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
