the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
