I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
