I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
