It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
