you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
