There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How does one acquire holy water?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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