Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
