I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you're hired as official boob wrangler
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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