census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
