I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
