Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
