it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
