It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
as a side note pls kill me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
