dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
