so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
