so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
