Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
