Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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