Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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