Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
