What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
