No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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