i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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