I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
