This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
