you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
