too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
