That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
