The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
