Ambien. No doubt about it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
