he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
